New Year’s Resolutions all boil down to this: next year I resolve to be a better person. It might take the form of promising yourself to exercise more, eat better, give up something or start something new. Most parents of teens also wish to become a better parent, be more patient, shrewder, more effective.
Change your teen for ever…
I’d like to offer you a suggestion for this year that can change your teen for ever: create a rite of passage to acknowledge that she’s maturing.
A rite of passage is a celebration of your daughter at this sensitive time in her life as she makes her journey from girl to young woman. Give her the gift of showing that you no longer see her as a child but recognise that she’s well on her way to becoming a young adult. When adults do this for their offspring it reduces the urge young people have to prove it for themselves by how they dress and behave.
When I talk to pre-teen girls they fear and are in awe of what they think lies ahead. They see teen girls acting up, dressing older, drinking, driving and having sex. This can seem exciting and terrifying. Pre-teen girls can already feel the impulse to become more independent, to go places without you, meet friends away from home, wear what they want, choose how they spend their time. They’re scared of finding themselves ‘behaving like a teenager’ yet don’t see an alternative pathway for getting from childhood to adulthood.
We adults can offer our children a different way to grow up, a safer way where they don’t need to prove to us and the world and each other that they’re maturing.
A rite of passage can be simple and private, or more involved and witnessed by a special few. It’s proved to be a very effective way of helping teens to mature, letting them know what’s expected of them as they grow up and making them feel special for being who they are.
For guidance on how to create a rite of passage for your daughter book a session with Kim. Many only need a single session and parents report great changes in their daughters afterwards.