At the start of a new year, we can ask ourselves, “Do we really speak our truth?”
For many, the transition from one year to another is the perfect time to reflect. Before stepping over the threshold of a new year, it can be good to spend time celebrating the successes of the year gone by, but also honouring the hard and painful moments.
We can reflect on all aspects of our lives: our work, the things that bring us joy, and our relationships – with our family, colleagues, friends and most importantly, ourselves. After looking back, we can think about how we want to move forward, stepping into the new year with intention and purpose.
So we can ask ourselves: How will we show up for ourselves? How will we protect our peace, hold our boundaries and speak our truth? For women in particular, speaking up can be a hard one. Although we’ve come a long way when it comes to gender inequality, most women still suffer from the collective wound inflicted by patriarchal society which often includes a fear of speaking out, a fear of using our voice.
I can remember when it became hard for me to use my voice. It was when I was a teenage girl. Feeling brave, I could speak up, but only to myself or the people I trusted the most. Out in the world, I would be on guard. When something happened that didn’t feel right, I often found myself socially paralysed. Heat would rise in my body, including my face, which made me wish a hole would appear into which I could disappear. I would be searching for words that wouldn’t come; and not wanting to make the other person feel uncomfortable, I’d not say anything. I’d feel uncomfortable instead, with a throat that felt as if a vice was being tightened around it.
Over time, as I replayed the situation over and over in my head, words would well up from within me and gather right underneath that vice. More and more, pressing against each other, tumbling out of my inner knowing, desperate to be screamed into the silence I had created. But the vice would stay closed.
Girls can lose their voice before they enter their teens
Growing up today is particularly hard for girls. Add to that a huge life transition like puberty and it’s easy to see how a girl, and her voice, can get lost. Interestingly, many young children don’t have issues with speaking up and asserting themselves, boy or girl. We’ve all heard toddlers say “Hey, that’s my toy!” or “I don’t like this game, let’s play this instead.” Yet, when those toddlers grow up and enter puberty, their voice is silenced. Teenagers carry the burden of countless pressures and expectations and the need to fit in makes standing up for yourself difficult. It becomes hard to say, “I don’t want to go to that party” when everyone else is going. At that age, my own self-consciousness and lack of understanding of who I was, made me doubt myself and unsure whether or not I could trust my intuition. Even when I listened to the messages my body was sending me, I simply didn’t have the vocabulary to put words to the feelings and I lost my ‘voice’.
Many women and girls struggle with speaking up. When we have safe places to practice giving attention to how we think and feel, we can experiment with speaking our truth out loud.
Charlotte is a Trainer and Accredited Girls Journeying Together Facilitator. She runs groups in South East London and you can find more details here:
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